6 Ways to Know If You’re the Toxic One in a Relationship (and What to Do About It)

When you look up “toxic relationship,” all the top results focus on identifying unhealthy or harmful signs in the other person—never you. After all, it’s easy to point fingers and diagnose toxic behaviors in other people. What’s harder is a good long look in the mirror to admit when you’re the one causing problems in a relationship. How can you know when you’re the toxic one, and what can you do to change it?

First off, understand that your negative behaviors likely come from a place of insecurity. You might have underlying power issues, fears of abandonment, or self-sabotaging tendencies—especially if you’ve been hurt before in past relationships. Toxic behaviors don’t necessarily make you a bad person, but it’s important is to recognize these patterns that might be hurting those around you (and, in turn, hurting yourself).

Here are some of the major clues that you’re being the toxic one in a relationship, as well as what you can do about them.